I’ve become so frustrated with some family members.
On July 30th, I drove almost three hours to pick up a cousin for a weekend getaway. Honestly, my main purpose was to get her out of her apartment, change her environment for a few days, and hopefully have a good time together.
Before the trip, she volunteered to cook fried chicken, contribute financially toward the weekend, and even offered my daughter a gift because we would be staying at her home. I told her she didn’t have to do any of those things. I wasn’t taking her along because of what she could give or do for me. I simply wanted us to enjoy ourselves and have a good weekend together.
Well…to make a long story short, she didn’t do anything she promised. 😂
During the weekend, I also learned that she had made promises to several other people and hadn’t followed through with them either.
Now, let me say this: I still had a nice time on our weekend trip! 😂 But what made me furious wasn’t the fried chicken, the money, or the gift. It was the principle.
If you give your word, your word should mean something.
And that situation brought out an ugly side of me.
I became angry and offensive toward her, and afterward, I had to look at myself. Because regardless of what someone else does, I know God—my Higher Power—doesn’t want me treating people in ways that go against the person I am trying to be.
Then came the money she owed me. She never paid it, and apparently her solution was to stop answering my texts and phone calls. 😂
The funny part is, I wasn’t even calling about the money. I was calling to make sure she was alright.
Before I picked her up for our weekend trip, something frightening had happened to her. On July 4th, while she was outside on the porch talking with the maintenance man, her neighbor suddenly got out of her chair and physically attacked her.
Knowing that had happened was one of the reasons I was concerned when she stopped responding. Regardless of how frustrated I was with her, I still cared enough to make sure she was okay.
And that’s when I had to sit with myself and really think about the bigger lesson in all of this.
Everybody does not live by the same principles.
I had to learn that I cannot expect people to treat commitments the way I do. Just because my word means something to me doesn’t mean everyone places the same value on theirs.
Some people have become so accustomed to broken promises, negativity, confusion, and chaos that it becomes normal to them. And sometimes, because they’re family, we keep stepping into that chaos thinking that love requires us to tolerate it.
It doesn’t.
I can love you and pray for you without participating in your chaos.
I can forgive you without repeatedly putting myself in situations where I’m disappointed by the same behavior.
I can recognize when my own reaction was wrong, take responsibility for it, and still recognize that the behavior that upset me was unacceptable.
That’s growth.
My lesson wasn’t that I need to hate anyone, hold a grudge, or become bitter. My lesson was to pay attention to patterns, establish boundaries, and protect my peace.
I will continue to keep my word because my integrity belongs to me. What another person chooses to do with theirs belongs to them.
I don’t live my life surrounded by constant negativity and chaos, and I refuse to become comfortable with it simply because the person creating it happens to be family.
I’m still going to pray for her. I’m still going to love my family. And I’m still going to wish the best for people, even when I realize that being close to them may not be what’s best for me.
Sometimes love means showing up.
Sometimes love means forgiving.
And sometimes…
Love means praying for someone from a distance while protecting the peace God gave you.
Family is family—but peace is precious.
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